Ashens (Stuart Ashen) is a collector of rare but worthless collectibles. When he learns the location of the Polybius, a mythical 80s arcade game, he puts together a crew to acquire it.If you’re going to pull a heist, this is not the crew you want.
Before going into this review, there are two things you should know about me: 1) I consider myself a nerd, and 2) I love heist films. So when I read the synopsis for Ashens and the Polybius Heist, I knew immediately that it was going to be a film I would enjoy. Crowd funded and featuring several online personalities, Ashens and the Polybius Heist is made with an evident passion from the cast and crew. This passion seeps from the screen; clearly the filmmakers created a product they would enjoy which in turn made in enjoyable for the rest of us.
The creators behind Ashens and the Polybius Heist describe the film as a “love letter to geek and retro culture” and that’s exactly what it feels like. There are so many homages to classic films such as Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Wars, Ocean’s Eleven, Mission Impossible, and so many more. Gaming and nerd culture also get plenty of call outs and references as well, from cliches like making rude comments about someone’s mother while playing video games to attending conventions, as well as vast amounts of classic and vintage memorabilia. If you’ve embraced the culture yourself, then you’re going to be pleased with the attention and care it takes when portraying it on screen. It’s easy to see that the creators embrace the culture themselves and brought what they love about it into this movie.
Since this film parodies heist films, particularly the aforementioned Ocean’s Eleven with less-than-subtle references, it too relies heavily on the chemistry between the core cast of characters. Also much like its inspiration, each member of the ensemble pairs well with every other member of the the group. Seriously, no matter the combination, every scene is full of laughs and enjoyment that it is hard to be bored while watching this film. Stuart Ashen and Eli Silverman, the George Clooney and Brad Pitt of the movie respectively, are the foundation of the cast and are delightful to watch. Ashen in general works well with whichever member of the cast he is paired with. While everyone had their moments and enjoyable quirks, two stand-outs to me are Daniel Hardcastle as Cube, the “eye in the sky,” and Jarred Christmas as Jarred, the “smooth man.” As someone who works with computers myself, hearing Hardcastle spit programming jargon was entertaining. As for Jarred, his awkwardness when trying to distract his marks was relatable and charming. If I had to give you one reason to watch this film, it would be for the cast.
If you need another reason to check out Ashens and the Polybius Heist, then check it out for the writing. The script is witty and tight. With a run time clocking in around 90 minutes, this film doesn’t have much room for excess plot. While the time might be short, this movie never feels rushed or that there are things missing, pacing itself extremely well. On top of that, there is a payoff for pretty much everything. Even a small comment about maintaining a nice lawn to collecting donations for the heist payoff throughout the film. And there is no shortage of laughs. This film is targeted towards an audience member like me so I might be a little bit biased here but there were very few few jokes or gags that didn’t land for me. I was laughing from beginning to end.
The biggest drawback to this film is the villain (who humorously is literally named “antagonist”). Antony Agonist (Stuart Barter), serves nothing more than to be the person who has what the crew is trying to obtain. He’s shallow and cliched. Although, I guess that might be the point. The film pokes fun at tropes associated with heist films and undeveloped antagonists are usually one of those tropes. Unfortunately, that leads into another gripe is that at times it feels too cliched, going against convention at times simply because it is against convention. For the most part this approach works but it happens a time or two too many.
I thought Ashens and the Polybius Heist was GOOD 🙂 I feel that films featuring online personalities and influencers don’t have the best reputation. However, there is obviously a lot of dedication and heart that went into making this movie. That passion translated into a product that pays homage to many fandoms in nerd culture and appeals across a wide range of audiences. Whether you are a part of that culture or not, this film has something for you to enjoy.
While playing a video game
Cube: How did you do it? You’re cheating as well!
Annalise: Oh, don’t say that. Oh, I’m going to say mean things about your mum in a minute.
Vocal: Your mum is the nicest person I think I’ve ever met. She’s, like, so kind.
Annalise: Where’s my head gone? There’s so much blood, I’m going to have PTSD.
Cube: Your mum’s so fat! Well, she’s lost a lot of weight recently actually. She looks really good for it to be perfectly honest.
Cast & Crew
Riyad Barmania – Director / Writer
Stuart Ashen – Writer
Stuart Ashen – Ashens
Eli Silverman – Benny
Jarred Christmas – Jarred
Alyssa Kyria – Annalise
Katia Kvinge – Vocal
Daniel Hardcastle – Cube
Yiannis – Yiannis Vassilakis
Ryan Livermore – Ryan
Dan Tomlinson – Geoff Excellence
Barry Lewis – Chef Assistance
Jonti Picking – Handsome Man
Steve Langley – Attractive Man
Joanna O’Connor – Christine Ashen
Stuart Barter – Antony Agonist
Robert Llewellyn – The Professor
Nigel Fairs – Jonathan Ashen
Ashens and the Polybius Heist is now available for streaming. For all viewing options, head over to watchpolybiusheist.com.